


The Marvelous Misadventures of Jim

by galapagos



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Humor, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-25
Updated: 2015-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-19 15:54:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3615684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galapagos/pseuds/galapagos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of Jim, hapless Inquisition errand boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Marvelous Misadventures of Jim

**Author's Note:**

> Some brilliant person on tumblr dubbed the hapless scout, the one who interrupted F!Inquisitor and Cullen's first kiss, Jim. I think it's awesome, so I wrote Jim a little story.

My name is Jim. I’m a fairly normal guy serving the the forces of the Inquisition. Well, fairly normal might be a stretch. See, I joined for the adventure and the chance to help people. What I got were misadventures and the chance to make myself look like an arse. Yep, Jim the Arse. That’s me.

Most times, people tell the story about the time on the battlements when the Commander and the Inquisitor were , um.. Yeah. Anyway, I’ll get to that one. My problems started way before that, but that was my crowning glory and how I got my nickname.

I joined the Inquisition right after the Breach opened. My people are from the area. Not in Haven, but around. My first day, they were assigning jobs. I wanted to be a soldier. To fight on the front lines in the name of the Maker and all that. What I got assigned was messenger. Honestly, I can’t really blame them. I’m kind of a scrawny guy… and I’m clumsy. So, messenger it was.

I was assigned to work for Ambassador Montilyet. I didn’t last long. First day, I broke two pots of ink, a tea cup, and ruined the Ambassador’s dress. She was really, really nice about it but I was still fired. Not that I’d blame her for a moment. I was so embarrassed I was the color a beet. It didn’t help that she’s so pretty, I was already flustered. I tried apologizing and cleaning up my mess but she just waved me off, “Maybe we should assign you to something outside.”

That’s how I started running messages for Sister Leliana. I actually lasted for almost over a week. Then I was asked to transcribe some messages to be sent to different camps via crow. I copied the messages, that was easy enough. Then I tried to put them into the carrier tubes. That didn’t go so well. The crows hate me. I ended up having to go to the cranky healer, Adan, and have several stitches put in the gashes on my hands and arms. One of the blighters got me in the face too. I was lucky enough to get my arms up quickly, or it would have had my eye out!

When I reported back to her, she requested I come speak with her personally, Sister Leliana laughed at me. “Maybe it would be better for you to work for the Commander, no? If the crows don’t like someone, there is nothing to do to change their minds.” She told me in that sickly sweet voice of hers.

Honestly I was relieved to not be working for her anymore. She scares me.

So that was how I got passed off to the Commander, like an old pair of odd sized boots. I managed to do well working for the Commander. He just expected me to deliver messages, collect reports, and occasionally do some scribe work. It was going fairly smoothly until I first met the Herald.

She was one of the prettiest women I’d ever seen. She was tiny, Dalish elf lady. Her hair was short and white, even though she was young. Her tattoos were dark against her pale skin. There were branches over her cheeks and some small lines on her chin. She looked delicate but fierce with great, flashing green eyes.

I was supposed to be delivering some reports as well as lunch to Commander Cullen, she was heading the other way. Well, I turned into a slack jawed idiot. I stumbled and slipped in the mud. The food went everywhere, the reports were ruined, and I was filthy and embaressed. Then the Herald, Maker bless her, came over to help. She held out her hand and helped me up. I took it and she hauled me to my feet. I almost slipped and fell again, but she steadied me. She was a lot stronger than she looked. I looked down at her, and managed to babble my thanks, but she was gracious. “It’s alright, it’s slippery out here. I’ve tripped myself lots of times.” I couldn’t imagine the graceful Herald ever tripping. My tongue was completely tied I managed a little bow as she walked away.

The Herald was wonderful, my fellows not so much.

“Gaw, you’ve gone an’ made quite a fool of yourself, Jimbo.” My mate, Harry Diggers, ribbed me. He was always calling me Jimbo. I don’t care for the nickname, but Harry like it.

“An’ now you gotta ask Sister Leliana for another copy of that report. It’s wrecked.” A scout, Jenna, added.

They helped me clean up, then I had to go wash up before explaining to Sister Leliana why she needed to write out another report for the Commander.

I got the new report as well as a replacement lunch. At least the barkeeper, Flissa, was a nice lady. She said broken dishes happened, and there was no use crying over spilt milk. I was going to head back to the Commander when I turned to find that he and the Ambassador were speaking with the Herald. Ambassador Montilyet left the Commander with the Herald. She came over and took the tray Flissa had made up for the Commander and walked up.

Small mercies, but neither saw me. I just clutched my reports and fled. I felt like a rabbit who’d narrowly escaped a hungry wolf. I went to the Commander’s tent and reported to Captain Rylen who took the report without question. Thank the Maker.

My mates still ribbed me about it for weeks. They forgot about it eventually. The Herald was much more interesting than me. When the Herald came back from Redcliffe having brought the rebel mages to heel and a new companion in tow. He was a very handsome Tevinter mage and the rumor mill exploded. People said they were an item. It seemed likely until I accidentally overheard them discussing the ranking of their companion’s, erm, backsides.

I was supposed to be delivering a message to the Herald. The mages had arrived and were preparing to seal the Breach, and the war council was ready to meet. The Herald and her friend, Ser Dorian, were sitting in her cabin discussing men’s backsides. I didn’t mean to overhear, but the window as open and I could hear them talking. They weren’t exactly quiet. It seemed to be a rather heated discussion. I turned so red, I thought my face would burn off. I managed to knock, which got their attention. The Herald answered the door as if nothing were out of the ordinary. and took the message I managed to stammer out. I thought I’d be lucky, but she recognized me.

“Oh I know you, you were the one that took that nasty tumble a while back. Sorry, but I didn’t catch your name.”

“Jim, ma’m.” I tried to salute smartly, but panicked a little and almost fell over.

Her friend snickered softly, but she just smiled kindly and said “Thanks Jim. Please let the council know I’ll be with them momentarily.”

The Herald was so gracious.

Unfortunately, everything went to hell in a handbasket after that, as my dear ol’ grandmum would say.

When the dragon attacked and caused the avalanche, everyone thought the Herald was dead. The Commander was in quite a state. He refused to give up the search. Seeker Cassandra and the rest of the Lady Herald’s companions agreed. They assigned as many people as possible to search parties. Even I was assigned to one. I prayed we’d find her. She was a nice lady and she’d helped so many people.

I was assigned to a group with a scout, Scout Harding, my friend Harry, and a few others. We’d been out for about an hour when I fell into a drift and ended up sliding down a steep slope, spraining my ankle. Scout Harding and Harry had to help me limp back to camp. When we got back, we found that the Commander had found the Herald.

“Gaw, missed all the fun because of you again Jimbo.” Harry had teased. “I would’a liked to see the touching reunion between her an’ her magey boyfriend. Wanna bet they got all goopy? Bet she’s a right goopy one.”

“Shut it Harry, don’t talk about the Herald like that.” He could tease me all he wanted, but he couldn’t tease the Herald. He didn’t have the right.

“Both of you shut it.” Lucia snapped. “I swear Private Diggers, I will put you on report to the Commander if I hear you disrespect the Herald in such a way again.” She sniffed letting me go and glaring at Harry before walking off.

“Yes, ma’am” Harry said, saluting her. “Gaw she’s a one. Ain’t she.” Harry was sweet on Scout Harding, that was obvious. But he was an idiot and didn’t have a chance with her. Frankly, I was sweet on her too, but I didn’t have delusions of grandeur like Harry.

“In your dreams, Harry. Now help me get to a healer.”

That of course wasn’t the end of it. It was all over the camp within a few hours that I was the only one injured while looking for the Herald.

Luckily we got to Skyhold soon after and the Herald became the Inquisitor. My newest stupidity was forgotten. I slipped into a quiet anonymity again for a while, at least until that afternoon on the battlements.

In my defense, the Commander had specifically told to get the report from Sister Leliana as soon as possible. He’d said it twice. When I’d gone to his office, he wasn’t there. A guard said he’d gone for a walk on the battlements. She didn’t say the Inquisitor had gone with him.

I found the Commander. He had his back to me. I didn’t see the Inquisitor at first. She’s a small lady, he blocked her completely so I didn’t notice her at all.

“Commander, I have Sister Leliana’s report. you requested it right away.” I held the report out.

He spun, glaring. I was confused for a moment. “I have Sister Leliana’s report, you said you wanted it…” Then I saw the Inquisitor. She was leaning against the battlements, hiding behind her hand. She was rather pink and purposefully not looking at me. I realized what I’d interrupted. I’m sure I turned green. I felt like it. “Or on your desk, sir.” I managed to squeak out before I turned and ran. I went through the door, to head back to the Commander’s office. That’s when I made the mistake of glancing back. There was a window. I didn’t realize there was a window. I groaned inwardly and ran all the way back to the Commander’s office. Trying not to think of the tender kiss I’d just witnessed between the Inquisitor and the Commander.

I ditched the report on the desk as fast as I could and reported to the Sergeant to be relieved for the day. Then I made a beeline for the tavern. Too bad for me, the story had already made it’s way there. Everyone knew about the Inquisitor and the Commander and they knew how I’d put my foot right in it. So that’s it. That’s how I got to be Jim the Arse.

 

 


End file.
